Great Great Grandmas’s Special Fruit Cake


Get ready for Christmas now – it’s closer than you think.

(Read instructions carefully)
1 cup butter          1 cup sugar          4 large eggs          1 cup dried fruit
1 bottle whisky     1 teasp. baking soda       1 cup brown sugar
1 tabs lemon juice           1 tabs nuts

Sample whisky to check for quality.     Take large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat   Turn on electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one spoontea of sugar and beat again.   Make sure the whisky is still OK. Cry another tup.    Turn off the timer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fruit gets stuck in the beaters, pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the Whisky again to check for tonsisiticity.  Next sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the Whisky.  Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one batlespoon of brown sugar, or whatever colour you can find. Wix mel. Grease the oven. Turn the cake pan to 350 gredees.  Don’t forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window, check the Whisky again and BO TO GED

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